Little Things
by Brianna Jackson
Summary: "His name is Peeta Mellark. He is twenty-five years old, originally from Boston, Massachusetts. He has two brothers, a mother and a father, a degree in business and a minor in art. He owns the bakery on twelfth street, and is the father of my child." One night leads Katniss Everdeen down a road she never wanted to travel.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"So what do we do now?"

It was a loaded question. One I didn't really know the answer to myself but one that needed answering. Quick.

I look to each of my roommates. To Madge and Annie and Johanna. All seated on the floor around me, each looking like they'd reached a new stage of distress. Annie was actually crying, unable to control her sobs. If she kept it up, I would be next.

"Kill ourselves," Johanna says after a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Jo!" We snap. She shrugs her shoulders, mumbling something unintelligible as she goes back to chewing on her bright blue fingernails. That was her way of coping. Humor.

"We could call your mother, Katniss," Madge offers quietly. Upon my disgusted expression, she sighs. "I'm just saying. I know you two don't talk much but she could, you know, be helpful. She'll know what to do better than any of us do." She was always the voice of reason. Whatever she suggested would most likely always be the smart choice. The safe choice. A senators daughter till the day she died.

"I don't want to call her. I don't want to call anybody. You can't call anybody." I'm begging and that scares me. I swallow the vile rising in my throat. Morning sickness.

They all look unsettled but, eventually, agree. It wasn't their secret to tell. It was my burden to deal with.

After all, they didn't get themselves knocked up by a complete stranger.

….

His name is Peeta Mellark. He is twenty-five years old, originally from Boston, Massachusetts. He has two brothers, a mother and a father, a degree in business and a minor in art. He owns the bakery on twelfth street, and is the father of my child.

We met at a house party two months ago. "The last hooray!", Madge had called it. At this time the three of us were graduating from college, beginning the next walk of life and there was no better way to kiss that all goodbye than to get blackout drunk and make out with sweaty, hot strangers in the small three bedroom apartment we all shared.

Peeta was a friend of Finnick's who was a friend of Gale's who was a friend of mine. A complicated connection but a connection nonetheless. A connection that had landed him on my doorstep that night in May. A connection that had intertwined him in my life forever.

I try to remember exact moments with him throughout the night. Conversations we'd had, things we'd talked about, jokes we'd made. But I don't remember a thing. Nothing but dragging him into my room in the middle of the night and taking him on my desk. And then on my bed. And then in the shower. And the thing I really can't remember is if either one of us had been in the mindset to think about the most important piece to the puzzle. The condom.

What I _do_ remember is waking up in the morning with a bad hangover and an empty bed. In Peeta Mellark's defense, he did have a bakery to run in the morning or so the legend goes.

"I could get his number from Finnick," Annie says one morning at breakfast. She's been seeing quite a lot of Finnick lately. If it weren't for my latest fuck-up, I'm sure I'd be hearing all about it. "Or you could stop by the bakery sometime."

"I'm not going to ambush him, Annie," I snap. She rolls her eyes. "I don't even know if I'm going to tell him."

"You're going to tell him," Madge says. "You can't be that type of girl, Katniss. He deserves to know."

"Why though?" Johanna says, coming to my defense. "She doesn't even know if she's going to keep the thing yet."

I'd never said the words aloud but Johanna knew everything. She can "sense things", she says. My roommates look at me with sad eyes. No one says anything.

I sigh. "I don't know what I want to do. I can't support a baby."

No one could argue that. It'd been months since I get a rent check to Madge on time and even longer since I'd been able to afford anything name brand. Working at a music store on campus throughout my college years wasn't very rewarding.

I'd gotten a job as a music teacher at a local elementary school but that didn't start until the fall and, it seemed now, I would be having to take some time off for personal reasons if that's that route I chose. When had my life gotten so jumbled? The stars were just starting align.

"I still think you should tell him, no matter what you choose," Annie whispers. "Peeta is a good guy. I don't think he would make you have the baby or make you give it away. He's a very kind man."

That makes me feel somewhat better. At least the father of my child wasn't an asshole.

When I don't answer, Madge smiles. "So it's decided. Tomorrow, we go to the bakery!"

….

Mellark's Bakery on twelfth street is busy when we arrive, nine am sharp, just in time for the morning rush. The line is out the door, almost wrapped around the building. The air in the city is hot and humid, making the cramped spacing unbearable. The new wave of morning sickness taking over me wasn't too glamorous either. I sink to my knees, head in my hands trying to slow my breathing. Annie rubs my back.

"I read online that morning sickness only last's the first trimester. It should be over in a few more weeks, Katniss," she soothes, running a hand through my hair, tucking a few stray pieces back into my braid. My father used to do that when I was sad. Thinking about him only makes me feel worse. I push her hands away.

"Maybe not. You know, if she decides she wants to off the thing," Johanna scoffs, bringing her iced coffee to her lips. She offers me an apologetic smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. I ignore her.

"What am I even going to say?" I ask, exasperated. Everything was putting me on edge. The heat, the line, the nervousness in my chest. I feel I'm about to jump out of my skin at any moment.

"What we rehearsed," Madge says. "Nothing more, nothing less."

I think back to last night, all huddled on the floor of the living room, mapping out the words I was going to say to Peeta. I recite them slowly in my head as we wait. _I just wanted to inform you that it seems the two of us have created a human. I'm not looking for money or support or a relationship. I simply wanted you to know. I'm trying to-_

_"_Katniss," Madge calls, halfway up the block. I sigh and move with them, keeping my head down because I feel everybody knows about what I've done. About what's growing inside of me. The lady riding by on her bike, she knows. The man in the suit, he knows. The couple waiting for the bus, they know. I close my eyes as if somehow that makes me disappear.

When we finally make it to the front of the line, Peeta is nowhere to be seen. Just a scrawny boy working the counter. According to Annie who got her information from Finnick, Peeta works were every week day from five in the morning to three in the afternoon. If he was correct, Peeta should be here. But yet he wasn't. At least not where I could see him.

"Hello," the young boy smiles. "What can I get you lovely ladies today?"

Madge looks at my expectantly but my facial expression must give something away. She smiles brightly. "We're here to speak to Mr. Peeta Mellark. Is he in today?"

The boys smiles and nods to a door leading to the back. "I'll be one moment."

"Breathe, Katniss," she says. "You're turning blue in the face. Breathe."

I'm just beginning to when Peeta steps through the swinging doors the boy just disappeared behind, a smile on his face, flour in his air. He's just as beautiful as I remember, maybe even more so. His eyes, the strangest blue I've ever seen, hypnotize me as our gazes finally meet. He stops short, obviously confused by my presence, but smiles genuinely after a moment. He's happy to see me? No one has ever been _that_ happy to see me.

"Katniss," he says, wasting no time jumping over the counter to envelope me in a hug. It catches me off guard. I don't recuperate it. It was strange, really. I'd let this man be intimate with me yet the idea of him hugging me made me uncomfortable. I swallow. "What are you doing here? This is so unexpected."

Annie coughs awkwardly behind me, catching his attention. He smiles at her and hugs her softly as well. "How are you today, Ms. Cresta? That color is beautiful on you," he compliments. I frown slightly. Is he flirting with her or simply being kind? And since when did the two know each other?

"Hi, Peeta," Annie smiles, motioning to Johanna and Madge behind her. "This is Johanna Mason and Madge Undersee, our other two roommates."

Peeta shakes hands with them as well, chatting politely for a few minutes before turning to me with an eyebrow raised. "Not that I'm not happy to see you but, uh, what are you doing here?"

My friends excuse themselves, all sending me sympathetic looks as they pass to sit in a small corner booth off to the side. I realize, standing in the middle of his busy bakery, may not be the best time to tell him he's going to be a father. That I'm carrying his bastard child.

"Is there some place that the two of us can talk privately?" I ask, looking around awkwardly. Peeta hesitates a moment before smiling, taking me by my hand and pulling me back behind the counter, into the room he'd appeared out of.

It's his office. Small. A desk with a computer and a chair and a few paintings. No plants or pictures of his family. No phone even. He locks the door behind us as we enter.

Before I know what's happening, his lips are on mine in a fiery kiss I was not expecting. Within moments, his tongue is in my mouth, begging for entrance, begging for more. I want so badly to give into him. But this was what got me here in the first place. This passion, this lust, I feel for him was something I didn't need. I push on his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" He asks, pulling away. I bite my lip. "Are you okay? I'm sorry if that was rather abrupt. I really didn't know if I'd ever see you again and you look so-"

"I'm pregnant."

Be damned with the speech, there was no better way - or time - to say it.

It takes a moment for my words to set in but when they do, Peeta's mouth falls upon and a rush of air falls. His eyes go wide, almost comically so, and a hand goes to his hair.

Before I can stop myself, I'm crying.

His face tells me everything I already know. I've ruined his life.

"Mine?" He asks quietly. I nod my head and he lets out a shaky breath.

"I don't know what happened, Peeta, I'm so sorry," I cry. He makes no move towards me, I make no move towards him. "I don't expect your help or pity or whatever, I just thought you should know."

"You're keeping it?" He finally says. He isn't disgusted or annoyed or angry. Just curious.

I shrug my shoulders, wiping at my eyes. "I don't know yet," I say. "I don't know what I feel. I don't know what to do. You're… You're a stranger to me, Peeta. I can't raise a baby with a stranger."

I wait for his anger to set in. It never does.

When he pulls me into a hug a second later, I can't help but hug him back. So much for being a stranger. He'd given me more comfort in the five minutes I'd been here than any of my friends had over the past week. Annie was right. He was a kind man.

I cry some more and when all the sobs are gone he finally pulls me away, handing me a box of tissues along with a bottle of water from under his desk. He sits across from me. "We can do whatever you want to do," he says softy, hands going around my wrist like restraints. I pull back. "We can keep it or give it up for adoption or… or we can abort it if that's what you want to do but whatever it is, we'll do it. If you decide you want to-"

"Peeta, don't," I say, shaking my head. I know what comes next and I don't even want to entertain the thought.

"No, listen to me," he says. "If you want to keep it, I'll help you. You won't do it alone, I'll help you. I have the money and the living space and insurance. You won't raise the baby alone. I won't let that happen. Not with my child."

"You don't need to make any promises me, Peeta," I whimper. "You don't have to do this. I can figure it out on my-"

"You don't have to figure anything out on your own," Peeta says. He grabs ahold on my chin and forces me to look at him. "Katniss, you are not alone in this. I am here. For you. You can do whatever you want and I will stand by you."

My lip trembles under his gaze. I turn away. We're silent for a long time before I whisper, "What the fuck did we do?"

He laughs humorlessly, putting his head between his hands on his desk. "I don't know," he says. "I don't know."

"We can't… We can't be parents, Peeta, can we?" I ask, my hands going to my belly. I feel nothing because there is nothing, not yet. His eyes dart to my roaming hands. He looks conflicted. "I'm not ready to be a mom."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I won't be a good one."

Peeta stares at me sadly. He wants to argue with me but he can't. Because he doesn't know me. For all he knows, I'm right.

"A child needs a mother," he says after a long moment.

I nod. "It needs a mother."

"So it's decided?"

"So it's decided."

…

After giving Peeta my phone number, I leave. My friends beg me for answers but I give them none. I am too numb from that and when we climb into our apartment, I go straight to the room I share with Johanna, locking the door. I don't need guests. I need my sister.

In the end, I know the choice is the right one. Because, like Peeta said, a child needs a mother and, I, of all people, know how true that is.

Mother. Mom. Mommy. Momma. Ma.

No. It wouldn't work. Everdeen women were not made to be mothers, they were made to be fighters, survivors. My own mother was living proof of that.

I lay my hand on my belly softly again, leaning as close as I possibly can until my body is nearly bent in half. "I'm sorry," I whisper, my lips peeking the skin, once, twice. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

First off, I would like to say that I understand some people not understanding or believing in the idea of abortion. You may comment whatever you'd like or say whatever you'd like, I just hope you're mindful of how your words may affect others. Abortion is a thing that no one can really understand unless faced with the choice, I believe. Therefore, don't make judgements on people who have chosen that route versus another.

Pregnancy can be a long, hard, demanding process and I don't think any women should be forced to go through if it's not what she truly wants. Baby's should be loved and I feel in the midst of the debate on wether abortion is morally right or not, that simple fact seems to be forgotten at times.

Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Once again, be mindful. BE KIND!

Thanks.

-B


	2. Chapter 2

**A big thanks to Everlarkcheesebuns for her beta work on this chapter!**

Chapter 2

The night before my appointment, I'm restless. By four in the morning, I hadn't gotten any sleep while Johanna was snoring in the bed beside me.

She had planned to stay up; she wanted to watch me throughout the night to make sure I was okay. "We can sit around the campfire and talk about your feelings and shit," she'd said. A little past two, however, she'd fallen asleep, unable to keep her eyes open any longer. I didn't blame her. I envied her.

I envied her peaceful face, calming breaths, and dreamless sleep. I can't recall the last time I'd been _that _untroubled. I can't recall the last time I'd been able to sleep through the night without vivid images of a burning car, loud screams, and charred flesh.

I sigh, giving up any last bit of hope for relaxation as I slipped from the room leaving Johanna alone. I busy myself the best I can, whipping up a pot of coffee, starting a batch of cinnamon rolls, making a batch of the "special" tea Annie had bought me - the one to help with the morning sickness.

I clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, clean out the pantry, and organize the wide range of snacks Madge keeps on hold. When I've finally finished everything there is that needs to be done, I'm exhausted. Gripping at my aching lower back, I close my eyes, prop my feet up on the coffee table in the living room. I feel relief, but not too much. To think that some women had to do this for nine months…

To think that I wasn't going to…

Madge is the first to wake. She's interning at a law office in town which means she has to get up pretty early in order to get to the other side of town before the real traffic starts. She startles when she sees me awake, then a smile starts to spread across her face. "Morning, Katniss," she greets. "Didn't expect to see you up so soon."

"Couldn't sleep," I mumble. I squeeze the arches of my feet and fan myself with my shirt as a burst of unwelcome heat spreading through my body to the tips of my toes. "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

She smiles while she pours herself a glass of coffee. "The way we always keep it. You're just carrying for two now."

I flinch. "Not for much longer."

Madge looks away, sad and conflicted. I know my choice isn't something she agrees with, but she is too polite to say anything about it. She nods her head, leaning against the granite counter top. "I'm sorry you have to do this, Katniss," she says. "Do you want someone to go with you? I could call in and tell them I have to deal with an emergency. I'm sure this would be considered as-"

"Peeta is going with me," I say. Her eyebrows raise to her hairline. I blush. "It's not what you think. He's just being… I don't know what he's doing, but he insisted on coming with me. I was in no place to deny him. I mean, we both are equally responsible."

Madge nods her head. "And you're sure you don't want to keep it? You can cancel the appointment. You don't have to keep the baby if you don't want to. You can give it up for adoption. Maybe a nice gay couple or a women with a hostile vagina." I smile at the Grey's Anatomy reference. "You could make someone very, very happy. You could give someone something they couldn't give themselves."

Once again, my hand circles my belly. Still flat. No life within there, not yet. But there would be, one day sometime soon. Something that was half me, half Peeta. I would feel the thing kick and move. I would carry it, feed it, nurture it for nine long months. And then I'd give it away. I'd put it someone else's hands. The thought scared me.

"I don't know if I could do that," I say honestly. "I don't know if Peeta could do that. He seems… He seems like the type to get attached if you let him."

Madge doesn't respond. She moves around the kitchen until Annie wakes, and then she leaves to work. She kisses me softly on the cheek, whispering "Stay strong," but I don't respond.

Annie says nothing to me once Madge is out the door. She sits on the recliner to my left, coffee in hand, watching me with hesitant eyes as if she's scared. As if I'll break at any moment. How long would this treatment last? How long would my friends tip-toe around me in order to spare my feelings?

Finally, the alarm on my phone goes off. I swallow and stand, toeing on my converse. "I have to go by the bakery to get Peeta," I explain. She nods her head. "He'll drop me off back at home after."

She stands to hug me. I pat her on the back awkwardly. Her tears stain my shirt, and I fight to console her the best way I can. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you," she cries. "I'm so sorry." I turn away as fast as I can.

When I get to the bakery twenty minutes later, Peeta is already waiting for me outside with one foot propped against the red brick of his bakery and his phone in hand. He doesn't see me when I walk up. I tap on his shoulder, clearing my throat to grab his attention.

He smiles shyly. "Hey, Katniss," he says, pulling me into a hug. He doesn't hold on too long. When he pulls away, he looks nervous.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket, feeling small. Peeta nods his head, holding out his hand to me. I stare at him awkwardly until he pulls away. What was he doing? "Peeta…"

"I'm sorry," he apologizes, running a hand over the back of his neck. "I just assumed with everything going on, you wouldn't mind a little hand holding. You know, physical comfort."

"I've never been one for a 'little hand holding'," I say. He blushes, looking away embarrassed. I almost apologize, but I swallow the words before I can. My mother always told me, after all, to never apologize for who you are. It was the only true advice she'd ever given me.

Peeta says nothing but leads the way to his car, helping me inside with a protective hand on my lower back. I'm not used to such chivalry. I have a hard time adjusting to the constant questions: If I'm okay, if I'm hot, if I'm cold, if I'm feeling well today, if I need anything.

"I'm fine, Peeta, really," I say, slightly annoyed. I want silence. I want calm and quiet, at least for now. "You don't have to talk to me. We can… we don't have to talk."

Peeta looks like he wants to argue, but he doesn't. He chews on his fingernails, strictly focused on getting us to the doctor's office. When we pull up in front of the building, he parks the car, opening my door for me but not bothering to help me out. I get that I must have hurt his feelings, and I try not to care.

I walk ahead of him, with him still hot on my heels, but we don't speak. I cross my arms over my chest, women passing me with extended, swollen bellies from every angle. I stare at them with a sense of longing. Babies are there, within them, growing, breathing, and moving. Soon they would be in their arms, smiling, laughing, and cooing. Maybe those babies are a mistake like what lives inside me. But maybe not. Maybe the child growing within them was wanted, prayed for, and seen as a gift from God. Like Prim had been.

"Are you okay?" Peeta whispers quietly. I blink up at him. "Katniss, we don't have to do anything today. If you want to wait, we can wait."

I pull away from his touch. "It needs to be done today." It needs to be done before I can attach myself. It needs to be done before I can change my mind.

I walk up to the receptionist alone. "Name?" She asks without looking up at me. I give it to her. "You're planning to abort the pregnancy, is that correct?" I nod. "Well take a seat. It should only take a moment."

I sit next to Peeta who is sitting next to a small, blonde girl with pigtails in her hair. She looks too much like Prim. I have to look away.

After about ten minutes of sitting, Peeta reaches over and laces his fingers through mine. He stops the shaking in my hands that I hadn't noticed was there. His touch is so comforting that I don't pull away. Maybe he had a point in front of the bakery. Maybe physical comfort is what I need. The thing is, I've just never needed it before. I never needed anything before Peeta.

He makes soothing circles and hums. I close my eyes and listen, tears threatening to fall. I don't know why.

"Could you do this?" I ask. He looks over at me, an eyebrow raised. "Could you be a dad? Now? With your career. Could you parent a child whose mother you don't know?"

I can't read his expression. For once, he doesn't seem to have the answer. And that's all the answer I need. A women calls my name then.

I let go of his hand, willing my legs to move. They feel like lead.

I take one last look at Peeta who is looking at me with a blank expression. At the last second, before the wooden door separates us, our eyes meet. His are sad, and I can't imagine mine being too different. He starts to say something, but then he's gone. I take a deep breath.

"Katniss Everdeen, is it?" The nurse asks me as she takes my vitals. I nod. "What a beautiful name. Any significance behind it?"

"Not really," I lie. It would take much too long to explain my father's fascination with flowers. How he named my sister and I after his favorites. How now that he was gone, it was too much to handle.

She checks my chart. "So you're here to abort the pregnancy? Can you tell me why?" Sensing my hesitation, she expands. "We just like to record it. If we feel our patients are in danger or are putting themselves in danger, we like to get a handle on it before or after the procedure. Before budget cuts, we used to require patients attend two therapy sessions at the clinic before going through with the abortion."

"It was an uh-oh," I say. "An uh-oh as in I've only met the father of my child once and… and I can't have a baby." She nods. "Were you planning on taking the pill?"

"No," I whisper. "I was just hoping to get it done here."

"Okay, so the in-clinic procedure?" I nod. "Well the doctor will be right in. Let the nurses know if you need anything."

"I need to use the bathroom," I say. She points me to a clean, white bathroom down the hall. A women waits with a little girl on her hip, sucking on her thumb and another, maybe five, talking with everyone who passes. I stop a good distance behind them.

"Hello," she says. I smile shyly. "My name is Anna. What's yours?"

"Katniss," I say.

"That's a really pretty name. Momma, isn't that a pretty name? Oh, I hope my mom names my baby sister Katniss," Anna smiles. Her mother sends me an apologetic glance, but I just shake my head. I don't mind. It reminds me of sweet, sweet Prim who'd never met a stranger. Unlike me, she was open. "Are you going to have a baby, Katniss?"

I startle. I swallow the lump in my throat. "Yes," I croak. She smiles at me.

"You'll make a beautiful baby," she says. I blush. "What are you going to name it? Is it a boy or a girl? If it's a girl, you should name it Elsa. Do you know Disney named a princess after me? Right momma? Her name is princess Anna, A-N-N-A? And Elsa is her sister. Have you seen Frozen?"

"Anna," her mother warns, rubbing the top of her head, ruffling her blonde curls. Like Peeta's. Her eyes match his too, so pungent. I can see it so clearly now in this little girl- something I hadn't seen before. Someone that belongs to the both Peeta and I. Someone that _is_ both of us. I look away.

"Say goodbye to Ms. Katniss now," her mother says. "I think she needs to use the bathroom, and we have a baby to check on." She rubs her stomach affectionately.

Anna says goodbye to me. She takes me by surprise and hugs my legs. I pat her hair. Her mother smiles as well, pulling her along as they make their way back to the room. I forget all about the bathroom.

The doctor is waiting for me when I walk back in. She looks up from her notes when she hears me. "Hi, Katniss," the aging women greets, shaking my hand. "I'm Dr. Crass. I'll be the one doing your procedure today."

"Nice to meet you," I mumble. She sets me on the table.

"First things first, I'm going to do an ultrasound to check to make sure everything is okay in there." I stare at her, confused. What would it matter if everything was okay? She expands. "I just want to make sure you're healthy. And, it says here you've never gone to a doctor before so I want to make sure there's really a baby in there." I'd taken twelve pregnancy tests. I was one hundred precent sure there was a real baby in there.

But, regardless, I listen to her instructions and do as I'm told.

"This is going to be cold," Dr. Crass says. She lifts my shirts and slowly adds the gel to my stomach. I flinch. "Sorry."

It takes awhile but she finds it. The little seed inside of me.

And something within me snaps at that moment. There is no heartbeat to hear, nothing really to see, but there will be one day.

_My baby. My family._

"You okay?" Dr. Crass asks. The picture disappears as she pulls the machine away from me. She hands me a towel to wipe down my stomach with. But I'm frozen. "Are you okay, Katniss?"

I sit up quickly. "I can't do this," I say. She frowns. Without thinking, I stand, grabbing my purse and all my belongings. "I can't do this. I'm sorry."

I leave Dr. Crass behind a closed wooden door looking very confused. I give her no time to come after me before I begin to pump my legs, breaking in to a light jog.

The staff looks at me with worried eyes as I move swiftly through the halls of the clinic. A few try to stop me, but I manage. When I walk out into the waiting room, I breath a sigh of relief. "I need to get out of here," I whisper to myself, running hand through my hair.

A hand grabs my elbow and I jump. It's just Peeta. Peeta…

His eyes are hard, worried and apprehensive as he grabs ahold of my to still me. I'm shaking, I realize. I find I can't look him in the eye without feeling a panic rise through me for reasons I can't explain.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his eyebrows pushed together. He asses me up and down. "How did it go? Did…"

Oh right. I was supposed to abort the pregnancy. As far as he knows, I've done that. In the moment, he looks calm. A little sad but as if all is well again and I know I can't tell him what I've done.

Better yet, what I haven't done.

I don't know how long we stand there, but it's long enough for people to begin to stare. I cough. I think about my words carefully.

I look up at him with all the confidence I can muster before stating, "It's done."

* * *

I'm humbled by the response this story has received! You all are too sweet.

ugh oh, Katniss. what have you done now?

Please don't hate me! Believe it or not, I had a friend in college do this. I, personally, at the time had a very hard time understanding her decision to lie about the fate of her child to not only the father but to everyone around her. She had her reasons and later in life I began to understand them in a way. In no way am I condoning that type of lying but rather just saying people do what they do for a lot of reasons & sometimes it takes awhile for us, as humans/outsiders, to understand those reasons. Take that in to account!

Review and let me know how you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks again.

-B


	3. Chapter 3

**A HUGE thanks to everlarkcheesebuns for her help on this chapter. Take some time to read her story "Something's Gotta Give" and leave her some love. Sorry for the wait on this. Thanks x100!**

Chapter 3

Peeta leaves me at my house right after the appointment, having to get back to the bakery for the lunchtime rush. He chats with me about the bakery on the drive back to my home. He tells me about how it got started, how he loved working at his parents' bakery back home, and how hard it was to get on his feet the first few months. "But it was just a road bump, and now it's smooth sailing," he says.

A road bump. Maybe he saw the baby that same way. Nothing but a road bump and now, at least to his knowledge, it was smooth sailing.

In my mind, the way he talks about his business justifies my actions. His business was his baby. I wouldn't take that away from him. What kind of person would? If only everyone could see the way he smiles when he talks about the pies he makes or the way his cheeks burn when he tells funny stories about some of his customers. If you spoke to him for ten minutes about his business, you could see it was something he really, _really_ loved.

Peeta kisses me softly on my cheek as I climb out of the car. It takes me by surprise and I halt my movements. When I turn to face him, he blushes slightly, shrugging his shoulders as if to say he wasn't sorry. I open my mouth to speak but have nothing to say. "I wish you'd let me like you, Katniss," he says after awhile. He doesn't make another move to touch me.

"You only feel sorry for me," I say, unshed tears threatening to fall. I was all too used to the feeling of pity. I wouldn't have it now. "You shouldn't like me."

Almost like a reflex, strictly out of habit, I start listing the bad things about myself in my head for validation that someone like Peeta is too good for someone like me. That I'm stubborn and mean and care about no one, not even my own mother. That I spend most of my days wishing myself dead. That I'm selfish. And surely what I've done today, the lie I told, is a reason enough in it's self why no one should ever love me. Not even myself.

I don't give him a chance to reply. I nearly sprint to my front door, crumbling to the ground when it finally comes unlocked. I press my palms into my eyelids to the point of pain and cry out. Hands grab hold of my wrist to hold me still.

"Katniss," Madge calls, prying my shaking hands apart and holding me at arms length. I fight against her but only for a moment. "Katniss, stop. Please. You're scaring us."

I stop moving and fall in a heap against her chest as she bends down to hold me upright. All my strength is gone. Johanna and Annie join us a moment later. Annie pats my hair and whispers soothing things. Johanna is silent, for once. That's when I know things are bad.

Without thinking, I tell them. I tell them everything because I can't keep it in. I can't hide, not from them. From the people that know me best. The only ones that won't judge me. They listen without interrupting, nodding when appropriate and sighing, finally, when I tell them what I'd told Peeta.

"But you should've seen his face," I say. "He looked so relieved, so relaxed. I couldn't take that away from him. He didn't want this baby. I'm not going to make him have it. I won't be selfish. Now about this."

"Oh, you know he didn't want the baby because you didn't," Johanna says after a moment. "He never would've made you do anything, Katniss. He would jump oceans for you, the way he looks at you. You'd think you're God."

My cheeks burn at her words. Does everybody see something I don't? Peeta was nice to me but I never thought of it being anything other than the situation. Today, in the car, he'd said "I wish you'd _let_ me like you", not that he liked me. His words were intentional, not accident. I tell them this.

"I doubt that's what he meant," Annie whispers. She brushes my hair with her fingers, braiding and unbraiding. "Peeta would want to be a father to this child, Katniss. And sooner than later, he'll find out. You can't keep the secret forever."

"He'd be a good father," Madge says. "I can see it. He'd love that baby Katniss. And you too if you'd like that. Peeta seems like a good guy. He… He wouldn't want you to go through this alone."

"I already told him the baby was gone," I snap, annoyed at my friends refusal to be on my side. To see it the way I saw it. "It doesn't matter if he'd want to parent the baby. As far as he knows, now, there is no baby! What am I supposed to do? Call him and tell him what a big fucking liar I am? Tell him that I was planning on running away with his child and-"

"Cut your shit, Everdeen, we're just trying to help," Johanna bites with equal anger. Her eyes bore in to mine in a way I've never seen before. "You got yourself into this. You weren't thinking and now, we're trying to get you out. And yes, the only fucking option you seem to have if to call the poor boy and tell him what a fucking crazy baby momma he has and how, it seems, he's going to have to share his child with a nutcase!"

"Johanna!" Madge cries, her hand going to her mouth. A gush of air falls from my lips, my stomach twisting at her words because she's right.

"Why did you do it anyway?" She asks, coming to sit on her heels, her face inches away from mine. I can smell the wine on her breath. "Is this some attempt to get your sister back, Katniss?" My eyes must bulge from my head but she doesn't stop. "Because that's not how it works, Katniss. You don't get another Prim. You don't-"

"Shut up!" I yell at the same time Annie and Madge say, "Enough."

We all sit there, looking at each other awkwardly, knowing the conversation had taken a turn down a lane that no one had ever expected. In the five years we'd all been living together, never had we been at each other's throats so much and never, _ever,_ had we spoken about Prim in such a way.

But Johanna was a lot of things but not a liar. Her words cut me in ways I never imagined. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but all that comes out is a chocked cry. I bury my face in my hands as arms encircle me. Even Johanna's.

"I think we know what we need to do next," Madge says, handing me the phone.

…

"Well, Katniss, you've really done it now."

I close my eyes tightly, pulling at my hair with both hands with Madge sends me sympathetic looks. I swallow the angry words threatening to spew from my mouth and try to replace them with nicer things to say. Things I wouldn't regret later but I couldn't think of anything.

Calling my mother to admit my most recent mistake had not been an easy choice but after a long, drawn out conversation with my roommates we all agreed it would be the next step. No one knew a child better than their mother and no one knew what to expect throughout pregnancy better. And she was the only family I had. As much as I didn't want to, I needed her. At least for the next seven months.

"How far along are you?" She asks. I hear the sirens from her end of the phone. She must be on her break at the hospital.

"About eight weeks," I say. "I didn't think anything of it when I missed my first period. I've always been irregular because, you know, stress and stuff but lately I've been getting morning sickness and when I missed again this month, I knew something was wrong."

"Have you thought about your options, Katniss?" I tell her about the morning and how that had gone. When I finish, she actually laughs. I fight the urge to scream. "Well first things first, you tell the boy. There is no way you're going to be able to support the baby being a music teacher."

"Mom, enough with the negativity," I snap. Madge holds her hands up, silently telling me to calm down. I brush her off.

"I'm not being negative, Katniss, just realistic," she says. "Who's going to tell you these things if I don't? Now, you need to find a doctor you like and trust. Do you like your OBGYN?" I tell her I do. "Then start scheduling monthly appointments with her. Get on some prenatal's and pray."

"Pray?"

"Pray that you get through this alive," she sighs. A lump forms in my throat and tears in my eyes. "The only thing harder than losing a child is carrying one. Trust me. I would know."

…

"My mother thinks I should move back home," I tell Johanna later that night. We haven't spoken to one another, not since this morning, her words still a heavy cloud over us. But I try to ignore it because I love Johanna and I need her now. "She thinks I need help if I want to do it without Peeta."

"Do you want to do it without Peeta?" She asks, her back to me. I stare at the ceiling above me, counting the makeshift stars I'd painted when I'd moved in. They were supposed to represent Prim and my father but now, I feel, they're something different.

"I don't know," I answer after awhile. "I remember what it's like to have a father but then I remember what it was like to lose one. I don't want that for the baby."

"He wouldn't leave," she says. "I don't know him very well, but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would leave, Katniss, and if he does, who needs him? But I think you should give him a chance. He deserves that."

In a weird way I knew that if I were to tell Peeta about the pregnancy and the way I lied about aborting it, he probably wouldn't fault me at all. Because he was a good person unlike so many people I knew. And I know that he would be with me every step of the way. And I would fall in love with him because, just in the few weeks we've known each other, I've found it would be hard not too.

And I don't need to fall in love. Not with Peeta, not with anybody. Just myself.

…

"We need sugar," Annie calls over her shoulder, waving the shopping list in the air. I nod my head numbly, shoving my hands in to my pocket and wandering down the shopping aisle.

"Sugar, sugar," I mumble, looking up and down the sweets aisle. "Where do you think they'd keep the sugar?"

"Depends on what kind you're looking for. If you're looking for the shitty, get you on a high, stuff, this is your place. If you're most interested in the raw, good for you kind, you might want to take a trip to aisle eleven."

Shit. I freeze where I stand, clenching and unclenching my fist as I will myself to move to face my guest. Peeta smiles down at me, a Mellark's Bakery t-shirt covering his upper body, Nike sweat pants on his lower half, looking better than I'd ever seen him in such simple clothing.

It'd been almost a week since I'd seen him at my "appointment" and about five days since I'd spoken to him through a simple text message, politely asking me if I was alright. Other than that, he'd left me alone and vice versa.

I wrap my hands around my middle out of habit, worried that he might be able to see something. Something that wasn't supposed to be there. Madge had told me justyesterday I was starting to show, only slightly. "It just looks like you ate a big lunch," she'd said with a shrug of her shoulders.

Peeta sends me an easy smile, reaching above my head to pull down a pack of banana nut muffins. He throws them into his own basket, never taking his eyes off of me. "Being a baker and all, I'd say I know my way around this place."

"Right," I mumble. My hands are starting to not only sweat, but shake as well. Worried he'll be able to see, I fold them expertly behind my back. "My roommate is on a baking kick so we've been having a lot of sweets around the house hence the sugar."

"Can't say I find that to really be a bad thing," he says. I smile shyly, trying to think of a way out when he pulls on the tip of my braid. "Why don't you go to dinner with me tonight, Katniss?"

I frown. Hadn't we gone over this? How I was emotionally unavailable and untrusting, therefore, incapable of whatever kind of love Peeta Mellark wanted to give me? Or had I made that conversation up in my head to help me sleep through the night? "I…"

"Not a date," he clarifies. He looks hurt. "Just as friends. I promise. Nothing gets weird unless you want it too."

Peeta winks and I laugh, warmth spreading throughout my body. I'm not sure if it's him or the baby but regardless. It feels nice.

I know I should say no. But I tell him yes because I really want to for some reason. The smile he gives me in return takes my breath away.

When we find Annie ten minutes later, shock is evident on her face when we walk up together, Peeta closer than he really needs to be. "Peeta, hi!" She greets after a moment throwing her arms around his big body and holding him close. While keeping him there, she gives me a confused face before plastering on the most choreographed smile I'd ever seen. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed some beer for the house so I came to get some and ran into you two beautiful ladies in the process," he explains. I blush. "And I figured Katniss and I could use a dinner to, you know, just talk like two adults."

Annie's eyes flicker to mine, her panic evident. I try a little harder to hide my own.

"That's very nice of you, Peeta," she smiles. "Katniss is due for some fun, don't you think? It's nice you two are talking. You guys have _lots_ to talk-"

"Annie," I warn. Her cheeks blush and she gives on last awkward smile, taking the sugar from my arms and placing it in her own cart.

"I'll see you at home, Katniss," she whispers. "Peeta."

Peeta and I stand there silently until she's long gone. Then he turns to me, hands in his pocket, a shy smile on his face.

"So where to?"

* * *

Let me begin by saying I know Johanna seemed a little harsh in this chapter but, in all honesty, I feel we all need a friend in our lives who will tell us how it is. I'm not a person who likes to dance around the truth and though it may be hard sometimes, nothing builds you more as a person than hearing what you don't want to hear.

Secondly, I don't want the Katniss in this story to be so closed off from her feelings. As you can tell, if you're a fan of my writing, I like a Katniss who is more open and loving but still has her insecurities surrounding love. I don't want her to be oblivious to what she's feeling at all times but, perhaps, more likely to ignore it or push it wayward. I like a Katniss who know what she wants but knows when she needs it and when she doesn't.

anyway, thanks!

-B


End file.
